Sunday, December 28, 2008

What Do You Want of Me Lord?

One of the most difficult things for myself is expressing my emotions. I came from a family that rarely showed any. My mother was a very complex and mysterious woman. After years of analyzing and reanalyzing , I gave up trying to understand her. My mother was loving and kind, she showed up at the hospital when I broke my leg playing football, comforting me as I cried. She taught me in a way, that I am just now realizing, how to enjoy simple moments. For whatever reasons only she knows she would recoil and the wall would come up. Unfortunately I learned that behavior and found myself incapable of expressing my thoughts and feelings even when they were present in my mind. The primary motivation behind writing this blog was to express what was deep in my heart. The love of God and of others is the most important feeling you can express. I have traversed many roads, and have witnessed a personal transformation within myself that affirms what I already knew. I was after more, something beyond all that this world was telling me. I found it in Christ and the secret is that Christ is in everyone you meet. It helps to understand the theology, it helps to understand the Church, it helps to understand the Saints and their spirituality, it helps to live a pious life and sacramental life. It helps to be nourished by the Body of Christ. Do these and you will grow. Pray that God answers the one question you need to ask. "What do you want me to do Lord"? Start with your family and like the Holy Family say yes to one another. Serve each other, be patient, kind, forgiving, putting their needs first. Then take it to the streets. John Milton was one of my favorite poets. He started to go blind and began to ask if his life was purposeful now that he would no longer be able to write. Here is what he wrote:

When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide,
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present,
My true account lest he returning chide,
'Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?'
I fondly ask. But Patience to prevent
That murmur soon replies,'God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who stand and wait.'

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