Random Thoughts

You cannot think your way to salvation. All too often I equate the idea that thoughts and feelings, especially positive, and good thoughts and feelings, with doing God's will. In the realm of the spiritual life there are no emotional responses. You are either doing the will of God in a specific instance or you are not. For example you may be caring for a loved one who is physically incapable, and not enjoying it at all, yet you are doing God's will. In a marriage you are not married for the intent and purpose of being happy. You have days that are wonderful and others that are not, each individual day does not make what you and your spouse vowed to each other to be. I tried to define my spiritual being on the basis of my intellect. That does not work. I formulated an idea of what a spiritual life is and then proceeded to live it. I tried to control what cannot be controlled. This control manifests itself in the relationships I have and the approach to all facets of my life. One of the most poignant contrast to this is when I go to the hospital each week and visit the sick and dying. I can recognize that they are not in control, when a disease ravages their bodies yet I did not have the wisdom to see that I am not in control, never have been. I was willing to surrender to God in part but not totally, I needed some reserved for me to put my hands on. It is in the moment of total surender, in contemplation where you can find the questions for God to answer or at least the questions to ask Him. Already I am thinking too much here....